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AstoriaMercury

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So after returning for a year or so, I decided to delete my account on the site I've generally been active on. It was not meant to be, I guess.Shrugs

First of all, there was no way I could stop myself from going in "too deep". I realize that staying on that site means staying involved in RP. Which, in and of itself, can be enjoyable. The problem is that ones RP experience is too contingent on those whom one is interacting with. Where people congregate, there's bound to be politics. In this case the leaders legislate and interpret the rules they establish for the community. Now I have no issue with the rules; they're mostly fair. However what really detracts from an enjoyable experience is the behavior that is not beholden to the law. There's no feasible way to demand more restrictions be put in place that affect everyone in order to hold back select few individuals. Besides, the root of this stems from irreconcilable differences between the members and the moderators. Some put in more time for RP and therefore they deserve to get more out of it. 

Speaking of time, I've finally begun to admit that I don't have enough of it. An elaborate act of self deception was required to balance my responsibilities as a student and what increasingly feels like a part-time job. But admin, you ask- isn't this supposed to be a hobby? Well, it could've been one, but alas, that's not in my character. I wanted this account to be a welcome respite from the stresses of everyday life. It fits the bill for a typical introvert activity, seeing as my favorite pasttime is withdrawing into my room to do whatever one can do in ones room. I cannot not take this too seriously because when I do something I go all out. What I do has to meet my standards, which are pretty high. Unfortunately they aren't being met right now in other aspects, and while I'm in a much better place than I was last year, I know I can do better. And my stiffness in public settings isn't going to go away if I stay in my room all day. It requires doing said things that force me to improve upon my weaknesses.

The school where I study is a highly competitive place. I feel that my meagre qualifications don't allow me to excel in this elitist environment, but I allow myself to hold on to my ambitious aspirations. It's time to rekindle that ember of hope and really work towards my dream. Ultimately, I cannot hold influence both in the real world and the online one. Time is the great equalizer here, and I won't fault anyone for preferring the latter because my thinking for so long has tried to justify it. However, I have to think about what I want out of my life. I can't remain in the limbo before true adulthood forever. I cannot afford to do something that's intangible in order to retain relationships that I've built up in that place. And believe me, I was reluctant to do it because I'm slow to make friends anywhere. Yet a break must be made. I apologize for the selfish decision. If those of you whom I've left still consider me your friend, please don't be afraid to contact me on here or through other means I've left you.

Thank you. 
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I was going to commit more to this account, I said. Time sure passes quickly. Another new year already, and in that timespan lots of pursuits have been abandoned, lots of ideas discarded. Well, in any case, the first day calls for honesty above all else. I'll strive to be more honest to myself, to follow my desires without inhibition but certainly with moderation. And I hope that I'll come closer to calling time my friend. Time to me has always been a fickle creature that I've let slip between my fingers. I don't think it's in my nature to dominate it by micromanaging every second. Rather, I'm going to savor every moment. If one tells oneself something enough times, maybe it'll become convincing.

2016 has been a year of hiatus for me. Now it's time for me to go back to place where I frankly have never felt comfortable in my own skin. Am I nervous? Certainly. However, I consider this my second chance at finding myself and I won't let it go to waste. 

The new year is about turning trepidation into excitement, apathy into desires. 

But enough with my abstact sounding musings! Fun things are planned ahead. I've surrendered myself to the desire to dress up as fictional characters. Most of my cosplay costume parts and accessories are going to come from Chinese sellers, as I intend to fully utilize my ability to somewhat communicate in the language lol. I realize if I'm going to do more than like two cosplays a year I'm going to have to attempt sewing at some point. In the immediate future the opportunity cost of making my own is too prohibitive for me as a student. (Read: I don't have time). That's not to say this hobby isn't already a piggy bank breaking one. 

Until next time, signing off now. 
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Well, I've made my return to this site and this time I hope to stay. The reason being, that I no longer have contact with my acquaintances from another place unless they should desire to pursue me- which should be easy enough to do provided that they actually want to do it.

Anywho, I'm the sort who dabbles in the arts. Fan art, really, for my own enjoyment. I haven't received any sort of formal training, but nonetheless I think that someday all of us will reach a point in which we're satisfied with our abilities.

One thing I really admire about some artists is not necessarily their 'drawing style', persay, but rather their use of color. I'm going to strive on using and applying actual color to my works instead of leaving them as lineart (though I am rusty at that as well). My tools of choice will probably be watercolors, coloring pencils, and the occasional marker.

I've picked up the mobile game Puzzles and Dragons recently. It's really quite a simple and addicting concept involving you collecting monsters and arranging them on teams. It involves a lot more numbers than you'd think. Today was the start of another godfest, where specific pantheons of god monsters can be pulled from the Rare Egg Machine at higher rates. One thing you've got to remember about this game is to not pull outside of godfests. After one troll gold egg, I got the one god I wanted out of the entire fest-out of probably more than 20 or so featured gods at higher rates- Freyja.  What are the odds? Actually, no, I shouldn't be saying that and jinxing my luck in the future.

Also, while I'm away (or is it here?) for this half year or so, I'll probably be purchasing tickets to go to Naka-kon. I doubt there's many on here who know where that is, but if you're going as well, that's cool! I hope to see you there~.
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